SHOCKER! Madonna courts controversy

Life is a mystery. Madonna not so much.

Everyone was expecting some sort of controversy as she launched her “Sticky and Sweet” tour in Wales last week. It was just a matter of finding out what it would be.

This time, she chose politics — including John McCain’s picture in a montage of Adolf Hitler and Robert Mugabe, then including Barack Obama’s picture in a montage with Gandhi and John Lennon.

Sure, it got Madge some headlines, but that’s not going to last until Oct. 4 when the tour hits America and the other current gripe with her is that the massive tour has a huge carbon footprint. Well, yeah.

Madonna’s gonna need some fresher controversies so we thought we’d help out – and not just because the new single “Beat Goes On” is too good to go unnoticed.

She should try:
– Gay marriage support: Whether her marriage to Guy Ritchie is on the rocks or not, they sound like they need a break. Maybe they could put things on hold as a “protest” for gay marriage, vowing not to retie the knot until all people who want to marry can.
– Michael Phelps affair: That would give her the cover to have a quick, torrid, paparazzi-covered affair with the Olympic hero. Of course, she may have to wait in line. Maybe John Mayer can pencil her in.
– Britney reunion: With the MTV Video Music Awards set for next week, isn’t it time she and Britney Spears, um, buried the hatchet again?

A handy guide to Mariah Carey’s #1 hits

With her current single, “Touch My Body,” topping the charts, Mariah Carey notches her 18th No. 1 single, putting her in second place among all artists in the rock era, only two behind The Beatles. How many of these do you remember? (We offer some handy five-word summaries if you don’t.)

“Vision of Love” (1990, four weeks at No. 1): Big ballad. Realize the duh-ream.

“Love Takes Time” (1990, three weeks): Big ballad. Not Whitney, OK?

“Someday” (1991, two weeks): Dancey, sorta. Ooh, ooh someday.

“I Don’t Wanna Cry” (1991, two weeks): Big ballad. Acoustic guitar plinking.

“Emotions” (1991, three weeks): Funky, sorta. Dog whistle scream.

“I’ll Be There” (1992, two weeks): Michael Jackson remake. Cute, unplugged.

“Dreamlover” (1993, eight weeks): Midtempo. Dreamlover, come rescue me.

“Hero” (1993, four weeks): Big ballad. See the tuh-ruth.

“Fantasy” (1995, eight weeks): Dancey. Poppy. “Genius of Love.”

“One Sweet Day” (1995, 16 weeks): Sorry, I never told you …

“Always Be My Baby” (1996, four weeks): Do doo do doodoo down.

“Honey” (1997, two weeks): Hip-hoppish. Diddy. Mariah, on fiah.

“My All” (1998, one week): Big ballad. Remix was better.

“Heartbreaker” (1999, two weeks): “Fantasy”-like. Only with more Jigga.

“Thank God I Found You” (2000, one week): Big ballad. With 98 Degrees.

“We Belong Together” (2005, 14 weeks): Oh babybaby, we belong together.

“Don’t Forget About Us” (2005, two weeks): Smooth R&B. Speaking from experi-uh-ooh-unce.

[Newsday, 4.13.08]